Yawn - MPs Expenses!!

It was bound to happen sooner or later. For years I've moaned about the political classes and their 'less than real life' view of the world. Call me a cynic but I always guessed they were all aboard the gravy train - I just didn't know for sure.

Now we are all aware to the extent we have been ripped off - ministers are resigning left right and centre and Gordon Brown is under pressure to leave office (he's sooo desperate to retain power that he'll have to be pulled out by the ankles, his fingernails gouging deep ruts in the oak flooring as he goes!).

I hate people like that. He seems to ignore public opinion, saying time and again 'I am the right man for the job, to see us through this economic...' Bollocks!

WE should decide if he's the right man for the job. WE need a general election. IF he wins then yes, he IS the right man but until then, he's just a power hungry nobody whom the public didn't vote in as premier. (Yes, I know we vote for our local MP, not the premier, but face it, in reality we vote for the party we believe in - and the person running the party).

So, Brown is an unelected premier and I think its time we vote to see him become an elected premier or a hasbeen - neverwasbeen!

Expenses: Yes, there are probably some good honest MPs but I'm afraid the minority (if they are a minority), have again spoiled things for the majority. What makes it worse is the number of MPs who have delved into their cheque books and paid back thousands in a flash. I wish I had that sort of money! Plus, doesn't that prove that they're not only wrong, but scared enough to repay swiftly, realising they are verging on the criminal.

If I claimed for ridiculous items and was found to have made false claims, I would have to pay the taxman back every penny, would probaly be fined and possibly prosecuted. Why are our politicians any different? They are supposed to be examples to us ordinary beings, upstanding citizens entrusted with the runningof our country.

We really are the laughing stock of Europe - the world even - take a look at a few foreign news websites...

When bored, access PCporn and have a w%*k

Did you know that all cocks are skitzo - split personalities. One moment they're as soft and pink as cotton candy and the next, raging hard and purple with angry throbbing veins!

And you never know when they're going to turn nasty; I was in the supermarket the other day when a woman bent over the frozen foods counter. All I did was catch a peek of bum but cock must have got jealous or something and flew into a purple rage, protesting with all its mite, angrily trying to rip a hole through the front of my jeans.

I had to physically restrain it and managed to trap it under my belt but even then it struggled and throbbed... until an old woman with a moustache walked past and cock, obviously ashamed at its tantrum, calmed down enough for me to drop it back into the rummageable area of my pants.

Cock didn't stay calm long though, and by the time I got home was beginning to make my balls ache. I think the baby syrup must have travelled beyond the point of no return. I rushed into the study and asked my PC for advice. My PC found a website with rude images on and said 'take a firm hold of cock and beat him hard, really teach him a lesson'. I had to look at a number of nasty pictures whilst beating cock to a pulp but eventually and sure enough, I made cock cry - and my god, what a cascade of salty tears!

Fortunately I keep a stack of tissues handy for my hay-fever so I used one to wipe the tears from his eye...

But this is the thing. You'd have thought cock would have learn't his lesson but no, if anything his behaviour is getting worse and I'm finding I often have to beat him to the point of tears several times a day, until on some occasions he becomes so sore and bruised that I really feel sorry for him. When that happens I try and be kind for a couple of days but eventually cock just turns nasty again and I have to give him another beating.

I've been working from home recently but I'm hoping to move back into the office as soon as the refurbishment is complete. Cock always seems to behave better when I've got other people around me, except when Louise wears her cream blouse with the lace front, then he gets really angry!..

Bored as $%@!

I've got more work on than I can do but my brain is in meltdown and I can't concentrate for more than a minute at a time. All the tasks are really involved (html editing, copywriting etc) and require attention to detail.

Whats made it worse is I'm working from home at the moment and the fridge keeps nagging me, the Xbox is no better and guess what, Sky is running Tour of Duty every afternoon!

And then, when I finally get down to work, the fucking phone rings and a customer says 'Can you just...'

I need a holiday.