Friday, July 18, 2008

waste of time blogging

no one ever bothers to comment on these blogs so its a waste of time writing them...

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The other day I had to organise the filming of a small awards ceremony. The affair was formal black tie and everyone came along in their best gowns or suits etc. It always fascinates me how men, when dressed up to the nines, seem to alter their attitude accordingly, strutting along in a hired DJ as though they own the town. The women are even worse. Whats really funny though is watching them after they've all had a few drinks... The guys revert to type, often spilling wine down themselves, stripping off their dickie bows and leaving half their mouthfuls of food around the corners of their mouths. The women are funnier. Not used to strapless dresses, I saw three women fall out of their tops whist stretching for the wine, nipples dancing amongst the remains of the meat and gravy on their plates. The response? Huge cheers every time!

You can bring the cattle to market - but you can't guarantee the quality of the beef!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Why I should become a politician

I'm thinking of going into politics because;

a. I'm tired of having to work hard for a living.
b. because I can't see any other way of affording a second property - especially in London.
c. because I will save money by combining government 'business' trips with my holiday schedules.
d. because a gold plated pension sounds more appealing as the years roll by.
e. because I'd like to experiment with my ideals on education (for example) but I don't want to 'experiment' on my own son... just in case I'm wrong, and besides, hes doing well at boarding school.
f. I will be able to target those sections of society that have always irritated me.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Weighty Problem

I just stepped on the scales. Nearly 17 stone - 5'10" - the numbers don't equate. Its a good job I've got a shrunken head else I'd look really fat. A year ago I was 14 stone and packed with muscle. Then I hurt my shoulder and turned to shit and the scary thing is it didn't take very long.

Last week I've gone back on the weights thinking I'll shed a bit but I've put on 5 pounds. My wife said its because muscle is heavier than fat (I know that), but I didn't tell her that last week I had four business lunches and drank more beer than I've downed in six months.

The Art of Commnication is DEAD!

I started work in 1983. In my office we had dial phones with separate switch boxes (each box had five flick switches with three positions - top/middle and bottom. To make a call you had to flick the switch up to top, to hold a party call to middle and to cut it off, bottom.

My job involved phoning a lot of customers. On average I would get through to eight out of ten people I called directly, without even speaking to a secretary.

As the years went on, we all though answer phones were fantastic - a way to ensure we never missed an important call. Then there was the introduction of voice mail, then mobile phones, texts and of course, email.

But a funny thing has happened. Now that communication is easier than ever before, it is harder than ever to get through to anybody at all. These days, I'm lucky to get through to 1 out of ten customers, and even then I have to wrestle my way through a bank of automated questions and options.

And now I employ youngsters, I've noticed they don't want to engage in conversation on the telephone, preferring to mail or text to ask their questions. The problem is that now, instead of gaining immediate answers to queries, we are waiting for mail recipients to reply, instead of comprehensive explainations, we get 'text speak', that leaved a lot to the imagination.

Communications in the 21st century are the worst I've known, the power of speech and skill of negotiation have disappeared and fewer people than ever even bother to listen to their voice mail, let alone answer it.

Its little wonder people are flocking to myspace and facebook. Holding virtual relationships is a whole lot easier than real life - or is Second Life the way we're all heading? It will be a sad world when socialising means sitting alone at a computer typing messages and posting picture.

Oh, I forgot, its Sunday evening. I'm sat alone in the study on the computer typing messages. What a sad world its become!